[EZINE] 10-Minute Couples Therapy, Part 2

logical soul ezine




Dr. Michael Craig,   Vol. 5, #12 – March 28, 2017

A Brief Apology…

I promised Part 2 for last week, and was unable to send out the E-zine.  For this, I am sorry.  Over the past 3 weeks I’ve been back and forth to either in the hospital or Emergency Room for an acute prostate infection that has left me immobilized and popping prescription medicines to treat pain and infection.

Today, however, I can report that the pain is mostly gone, and I should be back to normal within 1-2 weeks.   So thank you for your patience during this interval.  You and all my subscribers are valuable to me, and deserve the best I can give.   

The Real Essence of Couples Therapy

In any relationship, whether or not you have a pre-nuptial agreement in place, there are still expectations from the other person, but these are largely unspoken, much less written down.  Practical matters, like how many kids to have, who contributes to the monthly bills, and own/rent living decisions all have a logical place in every relationship.

Its the UNSPOKEN expectations, however, that usually undo a relationship, even before it gets established.  Your ‘subconscious self’ – or ‘inner child’ – wants and needs things that cannot often be translated into language. 

These expectations must, therefore, go unfulfilled unless the couple is able to dig deep and discover what these needs and expectations actually are.  This has been the traditional role of couples therapy – to ‘referee’ the clash of unmet expectations.

You can also do this yourself, if both parties are willing.  The REAL secret to happiness in relationships is to first know yourself. Then and only then can you share the deep needs  or feelings you have with each other.  Without the ability to do this – especially a problem for men – then the spouse or partner is left only with guesses and doubts . . . dangerous for any long-term relationship. 

As I mentioned in my last installment, Soma and I are happy and loving the vast majority of the time for one simple reason:  gratitude.   Whenever I look at her, I always have the feeling inside that “I’m the lucky one – I got the better deal!!”  For her part, Soma tells me she feels the same way (but I still know I got the better deal).  

We both know we have faults and idiosyncrasies, but our ability to look at and acknowledge these hidden things make all the difference.  Why?  Because each of us have got the better deal! 

Again, its all about gratitude . . . and using the Logical Soul® as much as possible. 

The Ten Minute Solution, Part 2

Try this with your partner:  Each of you write down all the ways you feel lucky to be with the other.  Then spend 10 minutes reading this list to your partner. 

You can do this once or twice a week for maximum benefit.  The main thing is to communicate – both to yourself as well as to your partner – the fact that you actually NEED them in your life for happiness to be there. 

Sure, there will be complaints come up as well.  Save these for later.  The first step, though, is to establish those things that brought you together in the first place. 

Discover your happiness FIRST.  Then all possibilities will flow from this.

Thanks for remaining a subscriber,

– Michael